10/3/10

I find it truly humoring how I created a blog, composed a single post (about starting new), and two months later I try to compose a second...

Whilst sitting 'Laughing Out Loud' at this fact, I realise many people write and divulge so much about yourself anonymously, but naively should be aware this isn't anonymous. On one hand you are still unknown, your face, background and any unpublished information is still kept private, yet a stranger can read your posts and know how you tick, your fears, and often heartache. I see why so many people are drawn to typing their mind behind the safety of a computer, bluntly put it's a way to emotionally move on, clear your mind etc.

Far be it from me to judge what people upload or why they write, I think it's a good expression as I've always felt in the past it's stopped me bottling things up so much. But this was far from the point of my post, each to their own and I find it fascinating learning about people, then i also find it fascinating watching people and seeing how they interact with each other, thinking about it that's probably quite intrusive, but intrigue is a basic human quality.

Knowing my life's not particularly interesting I'm not naive to think folk would like to hear my ramblings about what I've been doing, however.. tough :)

After starting the year afresh I'd left an old job behind, one that when i began gave me the confidence i needed to progress socially as i got older (rather a shy child) and surprisingly to myself I didn't feel any regret or misery towards leaving. I understand why, after countless staff changes and a different vibe to the workplace I wasn't leaving the place i once loved full of close friends, but somewhere that became selfish and uncaring. Thankfully it became this way, as I would have hated to miss working there, and with my recaptured friendships and a supportive partner and family I've come far since leaving.

Yesterday was the most productive day I've had in a long time, I met with two interesting ladies in very different areas of fashion and got to experience a cast and crew screening. Being in the screening was lovely, surrounded by hardworking people, half of whom go unrecognised for their work, but are still proud as punch to have even gotten the opportunity to be doing their dream job. It was a great feeling. I'm still trying to work out where I'd like my career to go, or even the area in which I currently need to focus on, but I've never felt as positive as I did yesterday. I must add, I did also sit in a rather nice restaurant/bar with my partner before the screening sipping on a cup of tea trying to work out what I should do. I have my sensible head on, financially I can't take a risk to 'potentially' get into a dream industry, as I can't support myself whilst doing this (giving up isn't in my nature this is a transitional career path, and thought process), so my aim is trying to get a more stable job to financially support myself (mines far to up and down) whilst in my spare time working my fingers off to gain experience, build a portfolio and get to where I want to be. However, one major flaw, I don't even know if I'd want to be in this industry.. but isn't it better to try than regret not trying?

So right now I'm sitting in yet another transitional stage, having a continuous headache whenever i think about the prospect of life careers, my ears are ringing..
To take a risk or to not take a risk? (once gaining the opportunity, I'm not that lucky!)

This is where I finish, I can't complete my ramblings.. as I haven't concluded anything yet, I know whatever decision I make I have the most supportive people behind me, which makes things a little easier.

I recognise that what I started off talking about I've now done, obviously I'm aware, and obviously I think this is comical. Ha!

Beggining

The first..

The first week of 2010 over,
The first time i write..

I've never been one for embracing the saying; out with the old, in with the new. New year is such an insignificant time in my life, one incredible night a few years ago, otherwise just another evening. New year is a time to validate everything which has gone wrong, and hope beyond belief that the new year won't have the same illfiting problems as It's predecessor. This year however i both enjoyed new years eve, and looked forward to what this current year will hold.. Letting go of all the wrong doing's, wrong decisions, unhappiness from the previous twelve months, and focusing on the last two months of 2009. The two months that have gotten me back to who I am, given me focus and excitement for the future, and created the most incredible memories and happiness that I look forward to experiencing not only for this coming year but many more to come.

I find throwing things away difficult, yes getting rid of mindless clutter is both necessary and mind clearing, however when on cleaning rampages when you stumble across some old treasures nothing is more satisfying. This so happened a few months ago I recaptured my love for my gameboy pocket. After finding this little battery operated toy whilst routing through old boxes I remembered how it had occupied my whole being years earlier! Collecting coins, fighting bad, following pikachu's adventures, tetris! So obviously when i stumbled back upon this godly toy I almost passed out in delight. I say almost... because If I had, clearly this would have been a minor sanity issue, however I got the same excitement i once did as a young girl when i loaded up mario for that first game.

Once I'd found this object, I went along finding many others, whilst sorting through my siblings room. I found polly pockets galore, wonderful minuscule fantasy worlds with little folk to embrace them, my gameboy colour; the upgrade to my little pocket friend. So many more.

With these treasured items In my possession I thought about days before every house had a computer, and when the PS1 was an incredibly high tech console. Yes, I may add I still have my PS1, alas it is the second; smaller version; but one of the prettiest little creations I've seen.

Moving on from this clear minute rant; finding these things made me a feel a little more like the old soul, and along with the most recent two months I've found everything I'd been missing. The creativity that was lacking during my degree, however on the surface enough to pass adequately. The relaxed happy nature which has laid dormant for years. Far from being a wallow story this is a mere acknowledgement of the aspects of my life i knew was still there but couldn't find a way to bring back. As this year begins these lackings have made there way back, the creativity at Christmas; perfect timing, and the happiness so little time before an incredible person came into my life. Again, perfect timing!

So starting where I began, the saying that I absolutely detest is the most accurate few words for me this year. I can't wait to embrace what this year brings, beautiful things, beautiful people, the most beautiful memories that'll last years to come. With the most supportive boyfriend and close ones in the world this year will be the start of something..